We Talkin’ About Practice?
Poets of yesteryear really got it right. Rumi once wrote, “Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” Replace the word ‘love’ with ‘happiness’ or ‘success’, and this still works. It can apply to anything that we want or know we need to do in this life.
It’s in our nature to want to survive. But I think a lot of us also feel the need to thrive and experience more. The subtle and subconscious parts of us can do a great job of surviving; our bodies are simply amazing at keeping us alive. What often gets in our way otherwise is ourselves and our conscious thoughts, worries, and fears. There’s so much in this world to think about or get caught up in that sometimes, we don’t even realize we are getting sucked into a negative pattern that can block us from mental wellness and strength.
As I gained more experience as a new therapist, I recognized my sole purpose in life: Be a pattern-breaker. Break my own patterns, some of which were set and strengthened by generations before me. Break my mental patterns, my behaviors, and even the emotional cycles I often became frustrated with as I found myself stuck. Break the autopilot mode where a lot of people find themselves at various points in life. Break the patterns that hold me back from being who I truly am and from doing what I know I’m capable of. At some point, I remember having a moment of deeper clarity with this: If I can do this, then I can prove to myself and others that change is possible. And I could achieve all this by focusing on myself.
I believe we are capable of breaking down mental barriers – some that maybe we have built up ourselves – but it’s definitely not easy all the time. It takes vulnerability to focus on yourself. But practice is what creates the highest likelihood of your success. I may not be an expert on anything special. I wouldn’t even say I consider myself an expert on mental health. However, I am an expert on myself, and this knowledge is irreplaceable and powerful beyond measure. When we take time to know ourselves and practice changing patterns, we become so much better at managing and understanding our mental barriers and, in turn, breaking them.
Mental performance coach Lauren Johnson was interviewed on The Pomp Podcast about performance mindset and spoke about the importance of consistency over perfection. She emphasized focusing on consistency in order to form habits in positive or desired directions (as opposed to the opposite direction we intend to go). I think, to some degree, we are all aware of the compounding effects of small changes over time, good or bad. But applying this awareness is another story.
Consistency takes sticking with the changes you are setting in place. It also means sticking with yourself. It requires trusting the process and being good to yourself along the way. It is vital to honor what you know you need to do to succeed, even if you have valid reasons for not wanting to deal with the struggle that will likely be a part of the process. Dedication to practicing creates a stronger sense of control, regardless of the external circumstances.
But what do we practice in order to break mental barriers? Short answer: It depends. Slightly longer answer: Awareness is a good place to start. Meditation instructor and Director of Meditation Training for University of Wisconsin Athletics Chad McGehee reposted some of his own wise words on his social media page: “How many times does a coach tell an athlete to pay attention? Hundreds, maybe thousands of times. But how many times have they been taught how to pay attention?” In my work with clients, I noticed this was a regular source of struggle. It makes sense: If we aren’t shown how to do something or aren’t given the support needed to believe we are capable, then it is unlikely we will learn that thing.
In this specific instance, however, McGehee is referring to showing others how to practice mindfulness. For me, mindfulness has been a practice of slowing down enough to note my experiences and observations while maintaining a present focus as best as possible. Paying attention to ourselves and our experiences – especially while we are changing – helps us to track our patterns and progress. I like to view mindfulness as a tool for fun self-experiments to test what I’m capable of, but also to test the power of these moments of mental stillness. It’s a deceivingly simple tool, which is why I think a lot of people wave it away. But it’s the closest thing to magic I’ve ever experienced. And it’s available to us anytime, anywhere.
I can’t ignore the interconnectedness of everything, especially as a therapist trained in systems theory. I know that there is an inevitable ripple effect that can happen when we change one small thing. With clients, I often encourage them to “start anywhere” with their changes. To look around and observe all the tools they have around and within themselves. There’s an abundance. You just have to start.
So what will you start practicing?
