4/21/2019
We hear about the success stories of these professional athletes overcoming their battles with mental health. We also see big time Division 1 athletes overcome their struggles of mental health and be praised for their courage to speak out on such a tough subject. But what about the voices of the small school athletes that don’t have a social media following? Or a team locker room? Or scholarship money? Or live on an air mattress all season because they can’t afford housing (yes that was me)? Or don’t have a chance to play pro and once their senior season ends they actually have to get a job they may or may not enjoy? Why doesn’t the media care about us just because we don’t wear the hometown jersey we dreamt of as a child? I’m not sure if we’ll ever get the answer to that, but what I do know is now we have an outlet to have our voices heard when were struggling. MindPower foundation gives a voice to every athlete that needs an outlet. Today I’m just lucky enough to speak my voice and share my story.
It was April 21st 2019 when I thought I took my last breathe (Yes I’m aware that’s a heavy hitting first line but it’s true). I was all alone in my dorm room and took a handful of medication because I was at my limit with all of the endless emotions I felt on a constant basis day in and day out. I was up at 4am everyday having panic attacks and crying my eyes out uncontrollably because I literally couldn’t help it. I was up till 12am every night because I couldn’t shut my mind off. Not to mention while all of this is going on my JUCO team is preparing to leave for the Junior College World Series. I didn’t want to die, I just wanted the pain to stop. I took a handful of pills and closed my eyes…. 18 hours later I woke up in my dorm room with a pizza bed side that was opened but didn’t have a bite taken out of it. Yes that actually happened. After I woke up I looked at the scars on my wrist and I knew a change had to happen. I was lucky enough to survive that day and dedicated the rest of my life to being happy and making sure the others around me aren’t struggling. I’ve realized that after that day I’m the wealthiest I’ve ever been. Not because I made money (I’m a broke college kid) but because I realized how much there is to life rather than just living goal to goal. I realized that if I take it one day at a time I’ll be able to enjoy my second chance at life a lot more than my first.
None of you have ever heard of me and that’s fine with me. I’m not one to be hung up on being famous to be successful and have purpose. But the difference between me and the D1 player is that they see the support online. Everyone needs support. But because they’re on a “Bigger Stage” than us doesn’t make our lives and situations any less valuable. If anything we have to do it the hard way. Small towns, less scholarships, no NIL deals, no media coverage, no stipends, no athlete housing, and no free meal plans. You could say I’m complaining but I’m not. I’m just saying the smaller school athletes have to work twice as hard to get what they actually deserve. To the smaller school athletes out there, keep speaking up. I’m listening and one is more than zero (good math I know). Keep pushing your story and your feelings because there are people out there who can help and listen. You’ll find the support group you need. All you can do is keep going one day at a time. Even though we don’t get the coverage like others, your feelings are still valid and they matter just as much. I know that and deep down so do you. Keep pushing. Your life is a life worth living.